If it's a lie
by bubblegum2000
Summary: I will never love again. [One Shot, HitsuHina, Spoilers for Soul Society Arc]


Written for the HitsuHina community. The theme was "I will never love again."

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.

Enjoy!**

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**If it's a lie…**

She didn't want to eat, she didn't want to move, she didn't want to speak. She didn't want anything. Since she had woken up, she had been sitting here, in the darkest corner of her room, far from everything, from everyone. The only thing she could think of was the betrayal of Aizen, his sword piercing through her body, his voice mocking her.

During years, he had been her world, the reason of her most important choice: she had left the Rukongai for him, abandoning her life, her family, her friends… And during all these years, she hadn't had any regrets, any second thoughts. She had been so happy when she joined his division and then become his vice-captain. Her life was so perfect. And all of this… this was just a lie, an illusion, something fake.

Her world had collapsed with his betrayal and yet she couldn't cry. She wanted to howl with rage, to smash everything to bits, she wanted to kill him and yet, she wanted him to come back, to tell her that it was just a dream, that he had never betrayed her, never tried to kill her because he loved her! As much as she loved him.

She wanted to stop thinking, she wanted to forget everything even her name. Why had she woken up? For this life? For this truth? But she didn't want this, she hadn't asked for it!

"Hinamori…"

Shirou-Chan…She didn't want to look at him, to see his beautiful green eyes full of worry, full of concern. Because his presence reminded her that he had almost been killed because of her. And because she knew he cared for her and she couldn't bear it anymore: affection, concern, love… These emotions were insupportable now.

"Hinamori…"

His voice was too soft and he was too close. She could feel the heat of his body, his worry. She didn't want him to be there.

He knelt before her, wanting to touch her, to see her face, to hear her voice, anything which could prove she wasn't just a empty shell, that she wasn't totally broken.

"Hinamori…"

"Go away!"

Her voice was low and faint but he could tell she was angry. With him? But HE couldn't be angry with her, not when she was in this state. She needed comfort and support. And this was what he wanted to give her.

"I know you're hurt. But you have to eat, you can't stay like that."

He knew? How could he know? How could he understand anything? If he really knew, he wouldn't be there! He would leave her alone.

"Please Hinamori… Say something…"

"I will never love again."

She was now looking at him, eyes full of anger and hurt. It was the truth, she would never love again, she would never be able to. She had given all her love to Aizen and he had destroyed it. He had broken her heart and she knew that it would never heal.

He was staring at her, shocked and hurt: she was rejecting him. Even though he had always been the one who protected her, who cared for her, who followed her. She was rejecting him because of Aizen, the man who had already stolen her from him years ago. She was unfair, how could she do that?

"Don't say things like that!"

"Why? It's the truth. Accept it!"

The only thing which kept him from pinning her to the wall and yelling at her at this moment were the tears in her eyes, the tears she hadn't shed once since she had woken up. Anger was replaced with worry again.

When she saw him falling silent, she understood what was happening to her. She felt moisture on her cheeks and hastily she bent her head. She didn't want him to see her tears, she didn't want him to care for her, she didn't want him to protect her, she didn't want him to _love_ her.

Suddenly, she felt his arms around her and his breath on her face. The heat of his body, the scent of his skin, the caress of his hair… Slowly, she stretched her legs. Slowly, he tightened his grip.

"You can cry, it's okay. You have the right to be hurt, to be sad, to be angry. But don't give up love please. Please…"

"I'm weak."

She was now clinging to him, sobbing and shaking. Why? Why was he still there? Why did she need him so much? If he left her too…

"You'll abandon me too. And I won't bear it. You'll leave me and I will die."

He closed his eyes: how he wanted to chase all her pain away, to dry all her tears, to hold her forever! He needed her. How could he abandon her? He would die for her.

"I will never leave you. Listen to me, I will never ever leave you. I can't. I need you. If you're weak, then so I am. Because I became a shinigami just for you, I just wanted to be with you. I won't leave you, I will always be with you Hinamori. I promise."

She didn't say anything. She just cried in his arms. She cried again and again. And in the darkest corner of her room, they stayed in a embrace.

She could hate everything and everyone but she would never be able to let him go. She could scream to everyone she would never love again but she knew it would never be true. And if the last years had been a lie, then she would only remember her moments with him.

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